Friday, October 5, 2012

Letter from a Former Atheist

What happens when an atheist is honest enough to recognize the reality of the atheist worldview and then decides to read God's Word to see what the Creator of the universe has to say and offer? Read through Farris Johnson of Clemson University's account and then pray such a thing will happen to many more who are currently like he was.
Although I was raised in the conservative Bible belt, by middle school I had left any "faith" I might have had behind. I gravitated from a very early age towards liberal politics and humanism. As a young high schooler I made the intellectual leap from agnosticism to atheism and continued on in my humanist pursuits by working for many political campaigns and non-profit organizations.
As an atheist, I realized my claims about God, immortality, and morality was rendering a certain meaninglessness over life - however this is certainly not how I lived. I lived for political and social projects, I used language like "progress" and "injustice" while simultaneously knowing that if I were pressed to provide a definition to such things, I couldn't give an honest answer for why I believed they existed or even what they meant. Life was lived in two realms: 1) I knew their was a meaninglessness, non-absolute, subjective, and as far as I knew, possibly incoherent habitat for my 'existence,' but 2) I put this knowledge in a box in order to proceed with my own personal meaning. I realized that essentially, I was using some Grand Lie which ascribed unintelligible significance to my relationships and passions and work. As unstoppable meaning-makers, I think a secular person's difficulty is in eventually accepting that any meaning they create is nothing more than a very serious game of make-believe.
Make-believe isn't very difficult in itself, but it is very tiring to continue to realize that your whole life is inconsistent - this was the state of exhaustion I found myself at. I found myself very disillusioned by the intellectual and moral incoherence within my own thinking. I thought it would help to backtrack and be more careful in my rationale, become a more solid atheist, but came to a conclusion that it would be an impossibility for me to be completely consistent.


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